What are Boundaries?

One of the first things that we are taught as children is how to say "no". It's been wild to me that as an adult it's still the most ignored boundary that I have seen and experienced.

We always hear about people ignoring the big "no's", those are the the ones that are covered by the Ten Commandments. Ideally I would say laws if the land, but at this point we should all be able to acknowledge that's not our current reality.

But really, those aren't respected either. That's why they are always on the news and put in focus, always a big deal, and always happening.

That's also why it's easier to be distracted from people not respecting the medium and small "no's".

But holy shit do those add up.

Between my experiences, both those having cancer and those working with the most vulnerable populations, it made me stop self-sacrificing because I played the comparison game.

"Oh, me being uncomfortable to help someone due to {insert some "different" way*} is okay because it's easier to focus on that then my thing."

*(e.g. my friend's marriages ending, people overcoming manipulative relationships, people impacted by my cancer, people having other major life changes, ect)

There is always someone to compare yourself too. Focusing on others is also a way to deflect from focusing on your pain and, inherently, prevents how you can grow through life's hard seasons.

Minimizing doesn't help anyone except the oppressor/the person who values power.

Everyone goes through big, medium, and small things. Even if we go through similar things, they impact us all differently. They should. Not every experience that we have has to be positive. It really is that "bullshit" line that quotes hard experiences is how you develop resilience.

However, I also believe that resilience doesn't always have to be continually developed through repeated trauma. It can be prevented through setting healthy boundaries - which are often set as the result of experiencing repeated trauma and/or consistent disrespect to both yourself/the people who surround you.

You can learn from every experience in your life. Working with the homeless has taught me about self-respect and that all actions have consequences.

Consequences are typically earned.

It's okay when someone else's actions

create boundaries that, at times, make you uncomfortable. Boundaries can make you happier overall and improve your quality of life.

When you don't respect someone's "no", then you don't respect that person.

Now, don't get me wrong you can probably still feel like you love them. But love and respect are two different things.

People always break that down by gender, but I really think it's by individual.

Love makes you stay, but respect validates your self-worth.

Respect can easily grow into love. However, without boundaries love doesn't easily grow into respect. It depends on why the person values you to begin with.

Your self-worth deserves to be validated.

Which do you value more - self-respect or love? What are you going to do as a result?